Being a parent, you learn there is a lot of give and take, and sometimes it is a difficult balance. If you tell your kids “No” too much they act out, but if you give into everything or don’t have consequences, they walk all over you. I was reminded of this parenting lesson recently by my 8-year-old. I love her to death, but I will be the first to admit that her ADHD can be very overwhelming especially since most consequences don’t seem to affect her. There have been countless times over the last year that she doesn’t clean up after coloring so her younger siblings color on the walls and furniture, we have found her writing and carving into the walls with pencils and pens, and after several punishment attempts I have had to do my best to lock up all the coloring utensils which breaks my heart since I know that most of the time she just enjoys coloring paper and being artistic.
It seemed nothing we did was working, but then this last time she drew on the wall to measure herself I remembered her mentioning she would really like to track her growth. I had told her “No” because we live in an apartment, and I would like to keep it as nice as possible since we are renting. In all honesty her request wasn’t anything big, and instead of thinking creatively and giving her a “win”, I just shut her down, again. I had been telling her “No” frequently, so she felt the need to do something for herself since I wasn’t doing anything for her. She wasn’t feeling valued and heard. After reflecting on the situation, I decided to give her the win. I decided to use my creativity and make a simple growth chart.
To make the growth chart it took one 37¢ piece of poster board, some hot glue, and some Sharpie Markers. With the poster board laying vertically I divided it into three 7-inch-thick pieces by using a ruler to measure the thickness. I then made sure they were facing the same direction when I used hot glue to stick them together. I overlapped them about an inch just to make sure they stuck together well. After that I drew some designs on the front using the markers. I used fine point Sharpie markers which were able to do quite a bit, but they were running out of ink by the end. For this project if you are going to be coloring in, I would highly recommend a thicker point marker as it holds more ink and would be able to do more. Next, you line the back with rolled tape and hang it on the wall. Lastly, you have your kid stand in front of the chart, mark their height, document the age, document the date, and write their name.
I had been stuck on telling her “No” because “I was too busy”, and it had resulted in her feeling like I didn’t care. Don’t get me wrong, there are still consequences, and I will still tell her “No” to some of her requests, but sometimes you have to say yes so, they know you care about what they want. In this situation it was a matter of a 20-minute project. It was nothing significant, and the more I say “Yes” to the little things the more she will accept when I have to say “No” to some of the bigger requests she makes. The biggest thing we have to remember as parents at the end of the day is that our kids are little people with their own feelings, their own thoughts, and their own desires; and just like us they want to be heard and to feel like they are loved by the people they care about.